I Didn’t Start Healing Because I Was Spiritual — I Started Because I Was Lost

When I Realized I Wasn’t Okay

I didn’t start healing because I felt enlightened, awakened, or spiritual.
I started because I was lost.

I was doing everything that should have worked.
I followed the advice.
I was seeing a therapist.
I tried to “think positive.”
I showed up for everyone else.

From the outside, it looked like I was functioning — even happy.

But inside, I felt disconnected.
From myself.
From joy.
From my body.
From life.

And the scariest part?

I couldn’t explain why.

When Nothing Feels Like Enough

At some point, you stop counting how many things you’ve tried.

Medication.
Therapy.
Advice from people who mean well but don’t live in your body.
“Just rest.”
“Just be grateful.”
“Just push through.”

And yet… something still feels off.

This is where so many moms quietly sit.
Not broken.
Not lazy.
Not ungrateful.

Just exhausted from trying to fix something that doesn’t feel like it lives in the mind alone.

If this is you, I want you to hear this clearly:

👉 There is nothing wrong with you for feeling this way.
👉 Your experience is valid.
👉 Your body is trying to tell a story that hasn’t been listened to yet.

That matters.

Curiosity Was My First Step — Not Belief

I didn’t wake up one day believing in mindfulness, healing, or anything spiritual.

Honestly, I was skeptical there was even a real solution to severe depression.

What I did have was curiosity.

A quiet question that kept coming back:

What else is there?
What really causes depression?
Is there truly no solution other than taking pills to suppress negative thoughts and suicidal ideation?

Not because I was chasing answers —
but because what I was doing wasn’t actually healing anything.
It felt like a band-aid, not a solution.

Mindfulness didn’t enter my life as a way to “fix” myself.

It entered as awareness.

When I started working with my therapist, she introduced simple, practical techniques. She would ask gentle questions and guide me to notice where I felt pressure or discomfort in my body.

Within two weeks of practicing — daily, whenever I remembered — something began to shift.

Noticing my breath.
Noticing tension in my shoulders.
Noticing how my body reacted before my thoughts did.

No affirmations.
No forcing positivity.
No pressure to believe in anything.

Just noticing.

And that changed everything.

Not overnight.
Not magically.

It came from sticking with it — even when I wasn’t sure it was helping.

The Body’s Role in Healing

What no one explained to me before is this:

👉 Healing doesn’t start in the mind. It starts in the body.

Our bodies hold stress, trauma, grief, fear, and survival responses — especially as mothers. Especially when we’ve been in constant caretaking mode.

When you’re always “on,” your nervous system doesn’t get a chance to rest.
When your body stays in survival, your mind can’t reason its way out.

Mindfulness helped me listen instead of override.

To ask:

• What does my body need right now?

• Where am I holding tension?

• What happens if I slow down instead of pushing harder?

This wasn’t spiritual.

It was practical.
It was grounding.
It was human.

And slowly — very slowly — I began to feel connected again.

If You’re Here, You’re Not Late

If you’re reading this and something in you feels seen — that’s not a coincidence.

You don’t need to have answers.
You don’t need to label your journey.
You don’t need to believe in anything you’re not ready for.

You just need permission to start where you are.

Healing doesn’t begin with certainty.
It begins with honesty.

And sometimes, it simply begins with admitting:

“I’m lost — and I’m willing to listen.”

That’s enough.

If this resonated, I share simple, grounded mindfulness practices for overwhelmed moms — no pressure, no perfection, no spiritual labels required.

You’re welcome to walk this journey at your own pace.

You don’t have to do it alone 💛

Share your experience if you have tried mindfulness before. Drop a comment below.